I'm slowwwww

I have been slow with my blogging but I promise to be better. I posted about Hat but forgot to tell you that his funeral was beautiful. If anyone is wondering who I am, we were there with the motorcycle club. Hubby and friends swear that they saw this person at the funeral....

Judge Mablean Ephriam. I am not sure if she was there or not...I didn't really care since I was so upset, but hubby made it clear that he wanted to go to her and say " I watch your show, well reruns now, every day and wish FOX was able to renew your contract, and oh BTW I love your new look" but said it was the wrong place and time, but if he saw her any where else he made it clear that is EXACTLY what he would say!!

Tribute to HAT

When tragedy strikes in our lives we find out who our true friends are, and what matters most to us. A friend of mine passed away recently. He is better known as "HAT."
Hat was killed by an act of violence that I will never understand. Hat was an awesome guy. At his funeral it was said that "HAT never meant any harm to anyone, he'd do anything for you."
Hat was killed because he witnessed someone else shooting at somebody, and in a very selfish manner the person shooting turned and shot Hat for fear that he would tell the police what he had witnessed. Hat had kids, grandkids, even a great grand child. He was killed and left behind MANY people who loved him.
Hat was always known for wearing his famous hats. He was a sharp dresser who always had stylish hats. He loved to play pool. He was well known on 54th street, and will never be forgotten.
Let me tell you about MY last encounter with Hat...He walks into the clubhouse wearing a nice suit and stylish hat. He peers across the room, smiles, and yells "do you know what your doing with that poolstick?? Come play a real pool player" to my husband standing near the pool table. He lays his money on the table and says "I'll wait to whoop you."
He walks over to me (I am cooking that day at the club house) and says "Hello first lady, how are you??" I respond that I am fine and we give eachother a hug. He very politely asks "can I have some chicken...you know what I like, and I see that you are busy so take your time making it." Hat walks over and kills him in pool. He comes back to where I was and picks up my youngest daughter and says with a BIG smile on his face "your daddy doesn't have anything on me when it comes to pool, maybe you or mommy could teach him a thing or two." and he laughs.
We sat there and had a drink together while he ate his chicken. He told me how important kids were, and how my kids kids should always mean the world to me. He told me to cherish the times I had with my kids, because although they are small and can be hard, soon enough they would grow and would not need me as much as they do right now. He said my kids were a blessing to me, something that were MINE and I should cherish them like a gem, keep them with pride, and love them like no other.
Hat.....I miss you already. You were always so full of wisdom and grace. You always had a stylish hat on and always brought your heart of gold with you no matter where you were..take it easy big daddy....see you when I get there :)

Hola peeps!!

So there hasn't been too much going on around here. Baby girl turned one last week so we had her party Saturday. She is blooming into a toddler now. She wants to walk..she trys really hard. Sunday was fathers day and the kids and I went with dad to do what he wanted to do. We went to a picnic in the park (in the valley) with other motorcycle members. It was fun but hot. Baby girl gagged herself with her finger on purpose and tossed her lunch all over so we had to stop and get her some new clothes, but still we were left with the smell **GROSS**

Last night when I got off work I fed the kids and bathed them, played and put them to bed. I did dishes and cleaned up and as soon as I was finished the hubs came home. He saw me lurking in the fridge and asked if I was looking for a snack. I said no and that I fed the kids but not myself, as spaghettios was not sounding very appetizing. He made me dinner and we played dominoes. I can't cook...my poor kids, if it weren't for dad they would eat cereal, sandwiches, spaghettios, and frozen entrees!

Anyways I am off to work, boss lady is staring at me

Toodles

THE CALMING BEFORE THE STORM

So I just thought I would check in after Friday night's ordeal. me and little mama are okay. She has a bruise on her foot. We decided we needed to calm down a bit the next day so we went to the riverbed with my parents in the camper. We didn't talk about the incident with anyone (a few other family members came and camped too) but me and the hubs just held eachother alot and looked to comfort from eachother. We hugged our kids alot. I asked Joe schmo if she had ever hurt him, or saw her hurt his siblings and he said no. I am sure he didn't see anything cause he is a taddle tale and tells mom everything.
I'm still upset. I was told we have to go to court. I honestly am scared of going for fear I may try to jump over the seat and beat the ever loving crap out of her. It is scary to think that in this world we do have people who are not afraid and think it is okay to lay hands on children. Kids do bad things because they are kids and thats what kids do. It is our job as parents to give them the training, support, love, and guidance they need and teach them right from wrong. It is not our job to hurt them or show them that it is OK to put your hands on someone else.

I decided we will try to not talk about this too much anymore..I can't change the past but I can change the future.

On another note.....we had a good time at the riverbed. Alot of relaxing and some sun burn. Good camping type foods and more importantly, great quality time with the family.

My worst nightmare came true

I consider myself pretty dang calm. You can mess with me all you want, it takes alot to really tick me off. Two things I don't handle well is someone messing with my husband or kids. I would kill someone without even thinking twice if you hurt one of my kids. Well internet, someone has hurt my child and I almost went to jail last night over it. Me and the hubs went out and we left my 3 kids with a known babysitter. She is what I always thought to be a sweet innocent 18 year old girl who I have watched grow up, she lives down the street. It is not hard to watch my kids because by the time I leave they are already in bed and all you have to do is listen for them while you sit your ass on MY couch and eat MY food and talk on MY phone, plus get paid for it...seems like a good deal to me. When we got home it was nearing 2:30am. I had a few, okay alot of drinks in me, so the hubs was still in the car talking to a friend. I staggered into the yard before him only to find the babysitter changing my daughter. She pooped in the middle of the night apparently cause when I left she was out like a light and not stinking. I stood by my side door (a big glass sliding door in perfect view) and watched in horror. Little mama tryed moving while she was changing her so to keep her from rolling over or squirming around she sternly told her NO and took her damn foot and planted it firmed on my daughter's foot. While little mama was still trying to move she proceeded to grab her frickin face and yell..yes YELL at my daughter NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. She shouted at her and then gave her a yank of the arm with anger. Now I run in, she just sits there and looks at me and says "why do you look upset?"
I lost it. I yelled, I screamed, I pulled her arm, I punched her in the jaw, and hell if the hubs hand't wandered in I probably would have killed her. My whole body shook violently. I kept thinking this broad could have ripped her arm out of her socket..and what has she done when I wasn't watching. Did she hurt my other kids? Has she hurt other children?
I am not sure who called the cops, but they came quickly...in between my husband (who had no clue what happened) screaming "honey calm down, whats going on" while trying to pull my body off of hers.
The cops came and cuffed me and her. I looked like the drunk aggressor I am sure. I was so mad that I couldn't even begin to tell them what happened. I finally muttered (okay I screamed) "THAT BIOTCH HURT MY DAUGHTER AND I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL HER." The now upset hubs starts yelling that he ws going to kill her too, and he was cuffed as well.
Thankfully, yes thank GOD that she was honest and admitted that she did that stuff, in fact she said she did it often to "calm her down." She said kids sometimes "need a little scare."
When asked if she had ever spanked my kids she said "only little man once". What RIGHT does she have??? I am still mad...I still want to hurt her. The cops instantly took off my cuffs and let me and the hubs go. I am happy to say she was booked on child abuse and neglect. My daughter had a big bruise on her foot from her stomping her foot and she had a rash cause the poop on her caused a rash, she sat in it for a long time. She even had finger prints on her arms.
I will never trust anyone again with my kids. I am so scared. I am mad. I am angry. I feel like a bad mom for leaving my kids with someone else. I thought I knew her well but apparently I didn't.
I haven't slept all night. I just am still mad, still wanting to break every bone in her ever loving body.
Please PLEASE be careful who you leave your kids with...it happens, and I can't believe it happened to MY kids.

Finally!!

Well I haven't been able to log on in god knows how long..damn computers.
Here is a few things going on
*The 14th my baby turns one, I am kinda sad about it...her party is the 17th
*The hubs has an interview today **Go baby, it's your burfday**
*yesterday was my brothers b-day...he is 35 now
*Little man is becoming way more interested in the potty
*Joe schmo isn't doing so great in Kindergarten
*Little mama is trying to talk..she repeats "ALL DONE"
*Work is kinda sucking lately, I am not challenged anymore
*Gas prices right now are $3.45 a gallon...woot woot 160 bucks a week for me!
*BSD (bastard sperm donor of Joe schmo) hasn't called in months
*I am very close to learning how to use my camera and uploading pictures
*I am addicted to shenuts.com and dadgonemad.com although I have never posted any comments I read often and think they are funny..and REAL parents..haha and even think I know dadgonemad possibly..I think our kids play for the same league..
*I am currently at work

Thats all folks...Take care..I will update later today or tomorrow :)

WHAT IF

Why do you always seem so angry? your never happy anymore. All you talk about is how you want more money, and that the kids are driving you nuts. In the meantime I am falling apart inside but too scared to tell you cause I don't want to feed your anger. I may loose my job soon, or be forced to take another position that is below what I am doing now, so basically I would be moving down instead of up. My job situation is scary. My health is not so great. The vows we took meant that we should nourish and develop our marriage by undivided affection, which came from the foundation of divine love and remain faithful in body and in mind, in good times as in bad. What happened??
I love you unconditionally.
My friend what if has come into play now

Eating worms

I'm not really eating worms...not yet anyway...

So little mama doesn't have an ear infection. She does however have a cold starting. She seems to be in a good mood though. Her nose bugs her at night so she whines every once in awhile in her sleep. Last night though little man woke up with his nose bugging him too. Daddy put him in bed with us...what a mistake! The child is a horrible co-sleeper, as usually his toes end up near my eyes or nose, and his head is jammed in daddys back. When he is sick he is worse. He lays all over me, up and down, down and up. Needless to say I got no sleep. He was in a good mood this morning when I left for work though and so was little mama.

I am having issues. I am having a very hard time balancing my kids, the hubs, my house cleaning, working, other relatives, friends, and my cyber world time. I mean come on everyone knows that my blogging comes first! No, really I usually blog at work.
But for real, I don't understand how my mom did it. Our house was always well maintained, we always had good food (not frozen pizza's like my kids get) for dinner, I never felt like she wasn't spending time with me, and she worked 2 jobs. My mom had a day job working at a doctor's office, and after I would go to sleep she would go work the night shift driving her own catering truck. She said she made most of her money on the catering truck. Plus near Christmas for extra money she would go work at Mervyn's (a department store) so we could have a good Christmas. She did alot for us. My dad worked too, and even though he was home more than my mom (ALOT more) I always felt less connected to him when I was younger.
I sleep alot. I love sleep. I work and come home and want to got to sleep. I sometimes wonder if I have something wrong with me since I always am tired.
I lack the ability to spend as much quality time with my children as I really want too. I suck at keeping up the house. My friends have probably forgot my name. My husband is lucky if he gets a kiss a day from me, much less have sex....and that is totally wrong cause he is an awesome man who totally takes care of me and the kids, and basically lives his life for us.
I am soooooo behind that last night my mom mentioned that little mama would be one next month. She said "someone is turning one next month" while holding her, and for a moment I was like ummmmm who???? Oh right right little mama is...OMG I haven't even thought about a b-day party for her!!
I am having a bad day, feel like a bad mom, and just want to crawl in a hole and die.
I know I can't be the best mom, or cook like Betty Crocker, but the fact that I forgot her b-day made me feel like crap....
I'm going to go eat worms now